H-O-P-E

In whatever difficulties unbearable situation,
we just need to persevere and fight till the end
and we shall see _ _ _ _
After having days of melancholy period,
it has finally come to an end,
Never give up, keep on striving till the very end.
This is what i see, Miracle!
it has been so near to me, yet so far to reach.
Perhaps a lil wisdom, and perseverance are essential.
I am Done With a part, this is just the beginning.
Another lesson learnt. Took so much of my emotional pain!
Worth it, so I've learnt to appreciate it...
I shall never forget, tears gleaming in the eyes of an angel.
It touched me by and gave me the clue.
thank you~ ^_^

Sanely Insanity Human Psyche Energy

Contents does not make sense to me. Partially, the Freudian approach is refutable. Explanation of Oedipus complex and Electra complex derived from a complex mind. A nice word to describe it, C-R-A-P! 5stages of psychosexual development might be applicable IF:

• less erogenous zones were involved (oral is acceptable) how about hand? people uses hand to seek pleasure too =P a grab for milk bottle (pleasure), or a touch on mummy's face (pleasure)
  
• Fixation in any of the erogenous zones are.......... no comment but guess Freud had a wayyyy too complex mind.

BUT but But~ ^_____^ luckily Freud's topography + structural model is applicable.
Me Likey Likey~ Freud's sanity could be insanity at times, and Freud's insanity could also be sanity at times. cool huh~ I'm so lovin' Freud's personality, not all his complex theories, Daring chap came out with such UNACCEPTABLE ideas and PUBLISHED it back in 19th century.
HE Made A Difference (MAD)! He Had a world of his own~ I wonder how Freud brought up his children. Anna for example:

• Oral Stage: Anna, Suck it all~
• Anal Stage: Anna could have spent most of her time for Toilet Training
• Phallic Stage: Electra complex, Anna.. GO KILL YOUR MOM, and come to DADDY -_-" "daddy will buy u a phallic toy, don't be envious" -_____-"

"...Anna did not have a very close bond with her mother...Anna and her father was different from the rest of her family; they were very close..."

• Latency Stage: Anna, "daddy brought you some GIRLFRIENDS to play with, put away the phallic toy" *Kesian Betul*
• Genital Stage: Anna, "bring your BOYFRIENDS home, I'll check for their fixations b4 you start a serious date"

XD XD XD XD XD XD Kesian/bahagia nyerr Anna... cuz daddy loved you too much~

listening to a CD, 1st time listening to it.
it's making me feeling worse!
feeling so uneasy, as if someone's squeezing my heart out =(
dont feel like crying, just the act of stupid mind playing a prank on my heart

WHO AM I?

it's not always good being too ambitious.
luckily no serious "stuffs" develop, else ima in deep shit
am i denying? nolahhhh -_-"
can u und me?
yong yi sau seung dik lui yan~ playing now
put it aside~

sighhhhh..... hope it doesn't make it worse

sigh~

i've always been watching drama~
watching too much will eventually put myself in one of those characters
after having too much, im now being part of it
seeing how much drama i could create while others watching me
it was merely a plain incident, happened for no reason
it's always better to have plan B standing by
never give be over ambitious while not having enough equipments to support u
no plan B? when sky falls down, my nuts are in trouble
lost in confusion, tomorrow is a total mystery
today, might be holding on with a great bondage,
but u'll never know wad will happen to it tomorrow
it might falls apart and leaving you far behind
im afraid to loose one...
no matter what it is, i'll still treat u as how we used to be
cant afford to loose it...no~
things may gone for a 180 change!
not gonna make it happen~

in deep melancholy~
or my fren been feeding me with worse scenario cases so that i could accept the truth if it happens to be hurtful.. so that will make me feel better?
lets anticipate whats for tomorrow~
remains a history~

Warning!! The Mute Is Yelling For Help.

This Post Will Definitely Be Offensive, and Provoking. May Choose Not To Read It.
A Warning Has Been Given And Writer Is Not Responsible For Reader's Any
Undesirable Circumstances.
This Post Has No Right To Be On Any Court Cases In Any Country,
Neither As An Evidence For Any Subject Purposes, As It Is Merely A Catharsis
And Writer May Write Points Out From The Subconscious, Free Association.


unexpected situation arose from no where
unexpected excuses were given
unknown intention yet to be found
never underestimate the power of human mind
never make attributions based on age
All were just mind tricks to manipulate

watch out for fishy situation
if someone attempt to get close to you
think thrice and never establish easy-going trust
it could be deadly

I have not experience it but thank goodness
I've been warned before putting my hands on it
thank goodness...
//
dislike grapevines~
why bother gossiping about another person's issue and MAGNIFY it?
it's degrading yourselves and it's feeding u with no benefit.
what's more, seeing only one side of the coin and making conclusion over it.
blaming others from what you "seen" and telling the entire world solely based on what you've "seen".
your position is so damn high, tonnes of respects for you and YET, this how your real-self are like. Revealing your true colours ain't it?
Fully utilize the brain, don't ignore the left side. Perhaps, you need to train yourself how to use the left brain. I'll recommend you "Left-brain exercise for Dummies"
could someone please understand my current situation? IN DEAD SHIT!
people are abusing with power, ranking, and majority. BUT THEY HAVE LEFT OUT THE TRUTH!
people with power, rules, ignore the truth..
yea right~ hello~ IF you are smart enough then please bother to listen to BOTH sides of the coin, and then only find out solution for it. and not making it worse.
I am IN great anger now, even though I am not the one in trouble, I am not the innocent scape goat either BUT I am the only one who knew+saw the truth. And that is my close friend! You Are Involving MORE and MORE innocent souls into this matter. If This prolonged, the section will collapse, and You're Diffusing it to entire band. All PP SC knew! They Aren't suppose to know, Aren't suppose to get hands into another person's PRIVATE LIFE! understand me? it's private life! Puhleaseeeee Respect them~~ you think power can overthrown anything you want? and why are SC PP bother to spread the news? Sake of Pleasure? huh? Seeing innocent people in trouble and getting entertained by it? Sadist!
I trusted you wrongly, I shouldn't look up so high on you.
Sigh~
Have Mercy on them please!! Be Emphatic please!! You're Wise Enough to Think Smarter. And If this issue is being brought up for a court case, it will be tremendously dramatic.

Will Someday Get Haunted By Guilt!
What Goes Around Comes Around~
You Will Be Responsible For What You've Done
Don't Ever Try To Lie
Two Faces Doesn't Solve Your Problem
Simple Sorry Will Do but U're In still in The State of Denial
We tried to help you, but you wouldn't appreciate it..
We've Tried our best and Ended Up Being BLAMED in return
THANK YOU for treating us so nice~


TRUTH SPEAKS FOR THEMSELVES!

i still care for u as my friend

(Alcohol/beers are my best friends) "只有烧酒是我的好朋友"

What can i do now?
i feel so.... totally in responsibility for this~
erm... to think about it, am i suppose to be responsible about this?
How to move my next piece on chess board?
Im feeling guilty...
flip side of d coin~
hey why should i be guilty of it?
wasn't me to force him to drink.
i've been trying to talk to him~ but not much response..
i wouldn't know about it until i read the group blog.

full of thoughts running in my head now..
my heart "cries" when i got to understand the meaning chinese words.
because i still treat him as my friend! i still care for him but why are you doing that to yourself?
sigh~~~~ i have no comment for that...

Bon Voyage

sentimental songs always the top choice
love the piano melodies T_T
good bye my love~ i know u like this song too
i only care about u~ i know u like this too
we played it together~ we know~

no matter how much mistakes u did
no matter how much lies u created
no matter how much attention seek
no matter how much love u seek
I don't give it a damn shit
but one thing i know, u're special and deserve for another chance.
I'll give u tonnes of chances to make a better change in you.
i know u will...someday...

you made me realize this fact
now that u're leaving us behind
and might not even be back..

we'll be waiting you for the next concert with us..
remember our deal? promised..
dun cry la soh poh...
feii yung..
pauline..
lee tai..
i will miss you..

Close To You~

happy!
sad!
happy!
sad!
ROJAK!

^______^
happy for concert sad for PY...goodbye my love~ she's leaving~ this might b our last time performing together~ T____T soh poh~~~~
dun cry~
//
we really had heart to heart talk, discover that friendship means ALOT to u~
u've lost ur friendship of 10yrs, cuz of some mishap, took his life within seconds! it's hard to have someone who r close to u, understands u. rare~ like wad u mentioned:

"but for me... it is one in a million,no matter I am... I will always think of you..for me money is important but another thing that always flow in mind is the most important.my worries of people around me.my dear, I am feeling better after recharge battery from you.i love fysb is because of gohonzon... you... PY... hugsssssssssssssssss.my close ones.only you know why I did that,others wont understand.let me give you a reall hugssssssssssssss.my shoulder is always there for you.if cry then cry together la.in times I wiill think prob like it is mine,eevn it is your problem I will think that is my problem.I think you know me for so long"

Precious friendship shall be cherished~ ^_^

i'll be there for u when u need me,
i'll be there for u anytime.

*tuning in to "goodbye my love" and "i only care about u*

"why do birds, suddenly appear? everytime, u walked by...just like me, they longed to be close to u..."

September 6th, Saturday...

Got sick of reading newspaper's headline on politics..
darn darn darn! Injustice law, poor enforcement. Self-centered leaders ruling country, only seeking for personal benefits and not for the nation. Faking up issues and trying to shun away one another. All those faking propagandas, crocodile tears, and lame promises are jeopardizing their reputation. Hello~~~~~ if really wana do so, pls, use some brain and make it REAL! duhh!! -_-"
No more confidence in current ruling party.

//

Total exhausted~ mentally+physically..
band prac for entire day is truly taxing. darn~ Mr Lee "you guys played like shit today!"
Yes indeed, playing on stage is nerve-wrecking, psychologically was nervous. Why?
Perhaps not much effort and confidence to make it right. And the sense of responsibility of each player towards every note played. LOOK and PLAY carefully on those articulations, and no more counting mistakes. "a bar/semiquaver rest is also playing a song, take it seriously and not for granted". Concert in 2weeks time, need more prac~ "you need more air support, focus on your diaphragm". Make it right right now, else it would just be another meaningless performance.

//

Doubting a lil.. Just do it laaaaaa -_-"

//

Rosalind in the Forest of Arden is currently wrapping up my day~
Its gentleness, great interaction between sections, dynamic flows and indeed mesmerizing for me.

im tired... but im satisfied and had a meaningful day. =)
perhaps we need to foster better bond with every comrades in band.
"Look to ur left... and to ur right... shake their hand... and say I LOVE YOU"

A teacher to the last

Brass Quintet by FYSB~
(L-R) yew yong [trumpeter], pak wai [trombonist], fang yaw [tubist], alvin [hornist] and trumpeter from brass band.

salute them for only 1day of preparation..
played 2 songs for the opening ceremony, "Just a closer walk" and "Amazing grace".
Ah, only able to catch the moment of Amazing grace. It's a lil blur-ish and pixel-ated.
They had to perform in the morning for this opening ceremony~ and later the four of em (excluding brass band fella) gotta rush for another performance at Centro Hall, for Klang Music Festival.
^___________^

//
I enjoyed every tuesdays with Morrie~ definitely inspiring! Morrie, always with full of enthusiasm to live a dying life. Having each day crossed-out from calendar, days counting on, filled with meaningful life lesson to mitch and me! I "experienced" and "observed" every single tuesdays with mitch and morrie. I suffocated when Morrie does his coughing. Looking forward to every tuesdays! but it came to the end today.. Morrie had passed away peacefully on saturday morning. Your word of wisdom will always be kept in my heart. How much you taught me about culture, love, marriage, family, emotions and death.

"Love others or perish"
"Learn to detached"
"Learn how to give out love, and to let it come in"
"Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live"
"Let emotions penetrate you fully"
"Dive yourself into emotions, experience it, recognize it, and soon I need to detach from that emotion for a moment"


Morrie's last sentence with us..
"You...always have..."

Goodbye Coach! Your lesson will always be kept and pass on.


Listening always,
PLayer

"Each night when I go to sleep, I die. And the next morning, I wake up, I am reborn"
-Mahatma Gandhi-


*From a book Tuesdays with Morrie, by Mitch Albom*

On my Stereo~

Always the best of Linkin Park!
Been accompanying me for many years~
The Rebellious me back then,
Blasting my room with LP
Well, guess that was the only way to express myself.


[The Limited Ed. version of What I've Done]


It's soooo cool! Moved my heart~ every scene tells out different message and it evoke my emotions~ There goes the raging hormones! totally creme de la creme~ ^_______^

thank you for being there when i truly needed it the most
THANK YOU!

Third attack came last night at 3.30am
damn painful in the stomach, as if "things" got
tangled up, twisted like nobody's business!
Small pressure on stomach may cause me to vomit.
All numbed, I can't move~
each movement contributes millions of shattered glass
poking through me.
but luckily, this time my eye sight n hearing were still fine.
No seeing dark spots, and no "blockage" of sound in ears.

------------------------------------------------------------
First attack, 2002
Time: During band practice
same symptoms+fainted while struggling my way to washroom.
only for few secs~
------------------------------------------------------------
Second attack, 11th July 2008
Time: Peak hour, ard 4.30pm, journey back home in bus
same symptoms+almost faint
THANK YOU gor! Luckily you were there for me.
Else if anything were to happen, I'm smoked~
Thank you veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy muchhhhhhhh
*hugs*

I've promised to go for check up IF the third attack ever come
but third time came~
-------------------------------------------------------------
Third attack, 30th July 2008
Time: 3.30am, while chatting with matt
same symptoms+luckily no faint
THANK YOU matt for being there!
[Matt]
huh? give me ur house num
//
if u happens to faint, miss call me. i'll wake up ur family
//
chanting for u now
//
Im just a sms/call away. 24hrs on
--------------------------------------------------------------
Today
[matt]
hey IF Fourth time were to happen~ seriously i'll drive to
your house and we're going to hospital together.
//
consult a doc ASAP. u need treatment man~
//
I'll let ur dad know if u dun wana tell
---------------------------------------------------------------
I have no courage to tell dad~ WHY MAN WHY??
guess i need to change my lifestyle~
my diet~ everything!

thank you for being there when i needed most.
knowing your accompaniment at least it comforts me when
Im in such condition

The Shoten Zenjin in Life

minds are powerful, sometimes it's harmful.
WHEN~ it's bombarded with too much of thinking.
I realized that certain people tend to think think think and think~
and certain people just don't think and just do it~
People are becoming more skeptical when think too much
They can take Minor flaw as though holding a Bomb
why bother magnifying it?
recently I've found another angle in life.
the awakening moment by knowing this person, A.
I would say, A is so much different from most people i know.
To me, A's thinking, always have utmost reasonable personal opinion.
I have no offense at all. What A said is logical, true and yet~
"why bother magnifying it?"
to answer the question above....
I hinted A indirectly and gave me this:

"is tat they feel the need to justify their words/action... not so much as to justify to crowd but mostly their conscience.. cuz by giving a reason it carries as much weight tat justify their thought"

It seems like My view got blocked all these years.
A came in as my "eye opener" in life.
Always provide facts with views from different angles!
this is what i call a holistic person.
I've never thought of it, haha!
always so neutral in answering Qs~
learnt sumthing new!
A: "We change, not environment change. or we stick long enough to become like our environment..sumthing like tat"
The Gosho mentioned, "When the skies are clear, the ground is illuminated"
Skies refer to life, and ground refer to environment.
when the "life" is clear, the "environment" is illuminated.
make sense in both literally and spiritually

Jump! can't u see the pothole?

Realizing a mistake been made is important
But, Correcting the mistake is difficult.
Learn to walk, you'll need to fall.
Learn to achieve goals, you'll need failures.
Some people learn the hard way to get things right.
Some people never bother about mistakes made.
So long as they are the shadow of life, so long the mistakes remain.

Failures are essential to strive for success,
To strive for success, one must harbor failures.
It is important to see every difficulties as opportunities,
instead of to see opportunities as difficulties.
Opportunity is always there, within our grasp.
Stretch out and grab!!

YEA, grab earnestly!

wee~

//

"All animals are equal, Some animals are more equal"
-Animal Farm-
*kicks Napoleon*

All people are equal, Some people are more equal
All dominion are equal, Some dominion are more equal

And death shall have no dominion!

And death shall have no dominion.
Under the windings of the sea
They lying long shall not die windily;
Twisting on racks when sinews give way,
Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break;
Faith in their hands shall snap in two,
And the unicorn evils run them through;
Split all ends up they shan't crack;
And death shall have no dominion.
-Dylan Thomas-

Because You're Special

This is how much it feels!
(MA Rehearsal)

The high-spirited youth, putting in effort and giving out the best performance.
Some of them been part of the band for more than 10years!
It's all about commitment and passion.
Going for band practices every thurs and sat, hitting 100% attendance is not an easy task.
The ups and downs while being a part of them (pic above). =D
Performances again and again and again~ can't even count with fingers..
This is the very FIRST time, watching them, and not performing.

I felt soooo, incomplete! get me? incomplete~
All these while, I've been performing and sometimes starts complaining

"erm, u all perform la..mayb i wont b able to make it lo" *grins*

MA will be held next sat 26 july, truly a biggie event of all~ It involve 4 cultural groups to make it successful~ estimated performers:

-FYSB = 70 ppl
-KCO = 35 ppl
-GCO = 6-7 ppl
-HAD = 10 ppl
Total = 121 ppl
wahaha that's only performers~ excluding stage crew, multimedia group, audio group, sokahan & byakuren, and lighting group that supports us!

Being a committee in this event is truly a BIG BANG challenge for me.
my 1st time, ahaha well not an excuse =D
Juggle time with Studies, MA, band and some bili bala stuffs (means personal probs la)
IF it's not Handle properly, May Gone Cockoo~
So may sometimes see me with swollen eyes on mon~ XD or panda eyes!
Preparation started months ago~ march~
Having meetings, all the way to a fren's house at... somewhere in cheras.
Thank you for having the Big HEad of MA to fetch me at puchong from his tmn desa, to CHERAS Frankly speaking, to get it started it the hardest part of all..
WE've faced many many many~ probs la of course..
kept changing the flow, ideas, etc etc
and also~ HOW? how how? how how how?
only 5 committees + 1 advisor = 6 brains to be squashed, to handle the biggie event
Not knowing how to present the idea of "The encounter of Eastern n Western music".
How it links? erkkkkkk how let audience understand how eastern n western music links??
We want MORE! NEW IDEAS! change the traditional way~ Let's start anew!
I hv more to learn~
this is an opportunity for me to gain new experience...
Im Glad to work with this team! I love it too! though there are some undesirable things (of course there will la dude) but WE WORK AS A TEAM! and not as an individual..
This is what I've learnt.. TEAMWORK =D
On that day, I'll b in charging of multimedia, thus, wont b performing T_T
sad~ I'll deeply miss playing with them! 8yrs been playing with them!
it's beyond words to describe how i feel w/o performing with them
Tears came rolling down while listening to them playing~
Especially "Pomp and Circumstances".. I was sooo worried about how they played it~
But darling, It's time for u to leap forward and grow. One day, they'll also have commitments and challenge it. =D we'll grow babeyyy!
I'd ALWAYS LOVE YOU MY darlingssss~~
[Alex, Pak Wai, Ye Lin, Chee Weng, Cheng Shen, Poh Yin, Mee Ka and Sinyi]

T_____________T
I Love You Guys!
My "Family" always!

Some Big Events of my life
The effort of all these years~
It's still raging..
Y.O.U.T.H
Let's Spread out your Wings and Touch the S.K.Y
Courageous
Adventurous
Ambitious
Delicious =D

Band Exchange with Kote Kitai Music Band and Musique Inspiration Band

We've Gone Through It All Together

Will always my special darlingssss in my heart~
I shall never forget~
The Joy and Sorrow we've ventured..

Oh Me?

what's tag? why tag? haha anyway for the sake of having fun~
let's "Tag-athon" ba XD



8 Things I'm Passionate About

1. My Life
   
2. My Family
   
3. My "family" (trb section) =D
   
4. My band~
   
5. My Darlings.. Dears.. sis..bro..comrade etc
   
6. My Chumps!
   
7. No Music, No Life
   
8. People
   

8 Things I Said Too Often

1. HAHA
   
2. haha how r u?
   
3. yalo..
   
4. SHIT!
   
5. My goodness
   
6. haihhh
   
7. heyyy
   
8. HAHA
   

8 Books I Read Recently

1. How to be Happy
   
2. New human revolution
   
3. Les Miserables (it's taking me yrs!) XD but me luv it
   
4. why books? eewwww why? so not interesting =P poor visual aid
   
5. Analytical Theory of Lingism
   
6. -
7. -
   
8. -
   

8 Songs I Can Listen Over and Over Again
**oh dang this is like SUPER HARD!!!**

1. Tattoo-Jordin Sparks
   
2. Sweet Escape-Gwen
   
3. Fergie~
   
4. Carmina Burana-Carl Orff
   
5. Pomp & Circumstances-Elgar
   
6. Muse
   
7. Jay Chou
8. Rudy & JJ!
   

8 Things I've Learned In The Past Year

1. U R Not Alone~
   
2. I'm sooo fortunate!
   
3. I'll appreciate every single moment with every single person
   
4. Who we are~
   
5. To see how wonderful the world is~ "sai gai zhen dik mei lai"
   
6. Make a Difference babey!! *tats wad written on my green wrist band* =D
   
7. I love me!
   
8. WEE! njoy life~
   

8 People I Tag

1. Anyone who Read this
2. Anyone who Read this
3. Anyone who Read this
4. Anyone who Read this
5. Anyone who Read this
6. Anyone who Read this
7. Anyone who Read this
8. Anyone who Read this

Adapavi~

Deserted area..
Broken heart..
just emotion is taking me over
pile up my worries day by day
not in the right mind anyway
//
psy106 damn tough
Difficulty level: * * * * / * * * * * (4/5)
Basic Requirement: Statistics, Probability Distributions, and Research Methodology
Extra Requirement: Critical Thinking Skills!! Speed, Strong mind
Description: Given only 2hours(120mins) to complete 85 taxing&brain squashing MCQs(85mins) and 2 cracking Statistical test questions(35mins, 17.5mins each) that required a lot of thinking, and data need to be manipulated b4 start calculating.
Comments:
A: "Not enough time ar"
B: "eh u guys had enough time ka"?
C: "Die la!"
D: "tembak 10questions"
E: "speechless"
F: "Never seen such weird terms in class oso"

Special Thanks to our Ms. Winnee for preparing such a challenging exam paper!
ah she must've worried about us not gaining enough knowledge b4 going into year 2 eh~
no wonder set up such toughies~
Hope to see her again in Advanced Research Method! =D
senior once said this "it's either u loves her, or u hates her" *grins*

I've gotten the Sparks in you

Life is short, that we don't even have enough time to hate people.
why bothering hating people?
Let's not waste our time hating people, but instead understand them more.
Connecting people and spreading the message of World Peace.

fear is merely an imagination. human suffers from own imagination that will never happen in reality.

Till the day that I found you

5th July, a remarkable day!
Took me 7years to overcome this
Finally, the first step has taken!
I saw opportunity in every difficulty.
Appreciating each opportunity with Desire and Action
Living as if there will be no tomorrow
Thank you for giving me this opportunity
A space for me to cultivate my life
In the same alignment with people whom i respect
I shall never disappoint you
My Opportunity of life

//
When opportunity is given, courage is needed
wisdom comes hand in hand
and appreciation is essential